Registered post brought CD with digital copy of medical records from R. Hospital & B. PCT (can be corroborated by Royal Mail). The first thing I noticed was that it contained the report, very clearly, from S.C. who I saw on Day 9 for an emergency assessment at B. Hospital. Yet each time I have asked my GP, C. Team Crisis Team for Mental Health (S.A., S.W., C.C., G.W.) and B. Crisis Team (S.K., C.S.) they have all told me there is no trace or record of this report. 7 individuals have asked me to summarise my childhood account, when there is already a clear report within the system of my initial and lengthy assessment with S.C. I am curious as to how this evidences ‘sensitivity for survivors’.
Received letter from North Essex Partnership Trust confirming appointment. with Dr J.H. on Day 70 at 12pm at H. House. No further information or explanation given as to why 1) I must submit to another assessment, 2) it must be with a male and 3) the issues of trust previously discussed have not been adhered to.
Started to read hospital medical records. In light of some of the information therein, I telephoned T. Solicitors and requested ‘phone appointment.
Days 47 & 48
Continued to read hospital records from teenage/young adult years. Extremely distressing. Read just over 100 pages so far. They are littered with notes and references to the following:
Repeated statements made by self that I did not wish to be drugged. Repeated occasions when I tried to refuse drugs and was forced to comply. Repeated occasions when medical professionals handed administration of drugs to my mother.
Repeated occasions when I tried to talk to medical professionals about the cult and was ignored.
Repeated occasions where psychiatrists note psychological problems within various family relationships – no attempt made to discover what these were.
Repeated occasions where I voiced I felt helpless, distressed and miserable; that there was ‘something wrong with me’, and was clearly evidencing cognitive dissonance from cult indoctrination – always ignored, never questioned or any attempt made to discover why.
Repeated occasions when a marked negative change in my behaviour after being sent on ‘home leave’ back into the care of my mother was noted. No questions were ever asked.
Occasions where my mother proposes sending me to another cult member for ‘therapy’ and psychiatrist agrees.
Continuous reference to my mother’s involvement in my treatment – being present at all appointments including domiciliary visits, being asked her opinion at all times and being taken as credible even when in direct contradiction to my own voiced opinion (who were they treating, me or her?), numerous requests made by my mother (which were all acted upon) regarding administration of drugs and ECT, which type of treatments should be administered, whether I should be permitted to leave hospital or attend a day centre, the list is endless.
Repeated notes indicating that my condition improves following withdrawal of forced administration of drugs – repeatedly ignored and drugs again administered following advice sought from my mother.
Clear evidence on notes that medical profession had formed and maintained an opinion of my mother as being credible and of self not being so.
Legal letters from solicitors detailing my mother’s attempts to get a psychiatrist to sign that I would be ‘mentally incapable for life’ in order for her to pursue a financial settlement against my father.
This last just astounds me. It is there in black and white what she was trying to do, and yet STILL no-one questioned anything?
Spoke to a friend, he will try to help me.
Received call from J.C. at T. Solicitors. Lengthy conversation approx. 1hr 15 mins. Sent documents, was advised she would come back to me within a week.
Received call from withheld number from someone identifying as K. from Victim Support. Requested surname, was refused. I will no longer talk to someone who won’t even give me their name, so terminated call.
I still have not received my GP records – the 40 day legal limit for them to respond expires in 2 days time. Telephoned PALS and Patients Association for information on how to proceed. Both lines told me there was no-one available to assist.
Emergency session with private counsellor. I am so devastated that none of the medical professionals I have seen believe me or will listen to me. I cannot stop sobbing. I feel it is happening all over again – I am small and powerless and all they want to do is drug me. I am in such pain. I am particularly devastated that my GP, who assured me he believed me and wanted to help me, has written a report mocking me saying ‘she thinks she is having ‘revelations’’. I have never used this word and that is not what happened, as he well knows as he has the account of how I came to write a background for the counsellor and then remembered things. He also wrote that I am ‘possibly suffering from fixed delusions’. That’s the response when I tell him about my abuse? I am so crushed that I confided in him, it took so much just to go to him. I trusted him, and he didn’t even take me seriously.
I can’t stop crying. Whatever I do, however well I have rebuilt my life since my mother, my abuser, died and I removed myself from the care of the medical profession and stopped taking their drugs, it counts for nothing as all they see is the label my mother wanted me to have and that they gave me almost 3 decades ago.
Rechecked the law regarding Data Protection Act and downloaded the form to submit a complaint about my GP surgery on Monday which will be 2 days after the expiry date for their given time limit to send me my surgery records. No-one has contacted me even to offer an explanation or excuse.
Went on H. Survivors Forum and asked for advice/suggestions as I do not know where else to turn. I am reduced to writing on an online forum that anyone can join. There is no way to check if the people on there are even genuine. But they are all I have apart from private counsellor and my friend.
How can it be that all these so-called support groups make money out of our pain and do nothing for us? The H. Survivors Forum map shows no support in my area, the nearest group is more than 2 hours away. And I would have to talk about what happened to me in front of a room full of strangers. How is this help?
Submitted complaint online to Victim Support. They will apparently respond within 5 working days.
I am hurting unbearably.