Immediate Aftermath – Blog Post 2

After I wrote my background account, I had a cup of tea and then came back to read it through. On reading it, I became extremely distressed. I’d never written an account of my childhood down in black and white before, and I was really shocked at how horrible it sounded. I feel quite stupid that I hadn’t seen anything wrong with it previously. I’ve always believed that it was unusual, but okay. I called a friend and by the time she arrived at my apartment, I was quite hysterical. She read what I’d written and told me she thought it sounded abusive. I felt compelled to justify that it wasn’t – that it wasn’t that bad, that I was probably being a bit of a drama queen, that lots of other people had truly horrific childhoods. I can’t explain why I still feel obliged to try to make it sound alright. I cried for a very long time and my friend tried to comfort me. I went to bed and slept very badly, waking up every hour or so and feeling completely panic-stricken.

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5 Responses to Immediate Aftermath – Blog Post 2

  1. I keep re-reading your words for comfort.

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  2. You are NOT stupid. Your reaction is entirely normal. Like millions of other abuse survivors, you were raised to keep family secrets. And — like any child — you believed your parents incapable of harming you. Without that solace, the thought of facing a dangerous world is too threatening for children. It’s like a pacifier nature provides.

    Of course, children have no standard of comparison. They cannot tell when they are being fed poison.

    You’ve reached a stage in life at which you are strong enough to deal with the truth. There are psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers ready to help you. I do not have their training. But, as a survivor myself, I believe it is better to spit the poison out.

    You may feel overwhelmed, at the moment. That will pass. Just having survived, you have great strength. And having dared to reveal the details of your life, you have great courage.

    There will be better days. ❤

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  3. I am so sorry to hear that you had this realization. I know you are not happy about it and that is completely understandable but maybe it will help you live better presently

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